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The Fruitless Pursuit of an Anonymous Hacker
At a time when I’d found myself wallowing in the deepest, darkest depths of writer’s despair, the universe once again delivered. Unfortunately, my newfound inspiration came with a price tag of a...
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The Steven Seagal School of Chiropractic
It dawned on me the other day that sustaining an audience through weekly, incessant ranting might not be a good long-term concept. Not that I don’t enjoy bashing trends, or whining about trivial...
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A Clown on Fire: Raising le Blogging Bar
If you suffer from Coulrophobia, get a grip. Take your meds, breath into a bag — do whatever you have to do to get yourself stabilized, then go and visit A Clown on Fire’s blog. If you’re not...
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Whatever Happened to Thanksgiving?
Apparently, Santa Claus went on another week-long bender up at the North Pole and decided to drive his sleigh right through the pilgrim picnic table. Give that slob a DUI ticket and throw him in jail...
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Strategic Car Buying 101
Author’s Note: I’d like to apologize for any mistreatment and/or agony caused by the profuse usage of capital letters during Sergeant Gunnery’s boot camp tirade. Sadly, the Sarge couldn’t make it...
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Failing at Fotoshop
I have a dirty little secret to share with you all today — one that I’ve been withholding for some time now. I can’t live with the guilt anymore, and I’m finally ready to come clean with it: I’m...
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Testing the Integrity of your Local Psychic Reader
I’m a skeptic when it comes to pretty much everything. I also realize that the previous statement is about as obvious as a forehead zit in a senior yearbook photo. But for some reason, whenever a...
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LAP Featured on WordPress News
For the first time ever, this is not a spoof LAP news announcement: The entire Long Awkward Pause cast is being featured on WordPress News today, so please join us for an insightful interview into the...
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Stepping in a Huge Pile of ‘Should’
Good Sunday Morning. I should probably be in Church right now absolving my sins, but I have to clean and stuff. See what I did there? You probably missed the keyword in the second sentence unless you...
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Blog Hop: The Most Outlandish Anxiety Tale Ever Told
Have you ever had one of those moments where suddenly, out of nowhere, you felt really nervous for absolutely no reason? Maybe, like, you’re standing in line at the grocery store, staring at someone’s...
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The Blog Hop Starts Here!!!
In case you missed the Blog Hop backstory, you can read about it HERE. The goal was to demonstrate that an episode of either Anxiety or Depression can in fact have an application: awesome, and...
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Cigarette Tourette’s
I am a smoker. And, if there were enough hours in the day I’d probably smoke a carton. I’d smoke four at a time – lighting fresh ones with butts – blowing smoke rings out of my nose. I’d blow it in...
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Nobody Loves Everybody Loves Raymond
Hello. My favorite show in the whole wide world is on. Again. Another re-run. I love re-runs. I’m being facetious of course when I say that it’s my favorite. And right now I’m close, very close, to...
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